I’m going to just type and not worry too much about what comes out. I find myself very scared and lonely right now. I’m not sure what I would do without my children. They are both a blessing and a distraction.
I get irritated so often with their many requests…and feel guilty at night when they are all asleep that I didn’t spend any REAL time with them. I’m just on edge…missing my old life again…missing friends that I don’t have contact with anymore…missing being a part of the surface world…where fun, money, sex, connecting, and being happy (or trying to be) is called living. I want that life back…for me as well as Laura. It can’t be…and that leaves me feeling empty and guilty about the whole damn thing.
Then I realize again that here I am…and I must be here…because…this is where I am. No choice. None…check please!
I also hate these sad, pity-filled posts because everyone has problems. Losing your wife at a young age…with young children…well…that just happens to be mine.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared and wierded out by the whole thing. I also know that I will do what must be done to keep this family happy and strong.
This is so much rambling. I apologize for that. I’m trying to think of a lesson…but it escapes me right now. Screw this whole mess…
