don’t know what to say right now…

I’m going to just type and not worry too much about what comes out.  I find myself very scared and lonely right now.  I’m not sure what I would do without my children.  They are both a blessing and a distraction. 

I get irritated so often with their many requests…and feel guilty at night when they are all asleep that I didn’t spend any REAL time with them.  I’m just on edge…missing my old life again…missing friends that I don’t have contact with anymore…missing being a part of the surface world…where fun, money, sex, connecting, and being happy (or trying to be) is called living.  I want that life back…for me as well as Laura.  It can’t be…and that leaves me feeling empty and guilty about the whole damn thing.

Then I realize again that here I am…and I must be here…because…this is where I am.  No choice.  None…check please!

I also hate these sad, pity-filled posts because everyone has problems.  Losing your wife at a young age…with young children…well…that just happens to be mine. 

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared and wierded out by the whole thing.  I also know that I will do what must be done to keep this family happy and strong.

This is so much rambling.  I apologize for that.  I’m trying to think of a lesson…but it escapes me right now.  Screw this whole mess…

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Published in: on May 31, 2009 at 11:30 am  Comments (10)  
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growth despite fear…

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”  ~Abraham Maslow

Somehow this reminded me of something I wrote a while ago called “Dreams.”  How great that someone can capture in one sentence what it took me so many to write.  Guess that’s why I’m just a blogger…

Take a look at Quotes For Living  for more inspirational quotes.

Published in: on May 29, 2009 at 4:29 pm  Leave a Comment  
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