a letter and god…

I wrote this to my wife this morning. 3 hours later she was checked into the hospital. I’m breaking my rule…that it will only take :30 seconds to read. Cancer really does blow.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole “god” thing. I guess I believe. Actually I know I do. Not in the god I grew up with…big guy with white beard and flowing robes…but in the living, breathing one that we live with every day. The one we don’t even see anymore because it’s all around us…in us.

I think it defies any explanation or fitting description…I think it is felt as a power that we become disconnected from because our minds are working so damn hard to make sense of things.

We feel it most at non-sensical times…the birth of our children…falling in love…hitting the snooze because we are just so comfortable in bed that it would be a shame to waste that feeling…and even death. Those things don’t make a whole lot of practical sense when you think about it. They bring a certain amount of chaos into our lives…but we follow anyway…because there is something stronger behind it. I think that is god.

As far as life after death…I believe without a doubt we do survive…but not in the same form. It’s 2 sided as far as I can tell thus far.

We survive in the physical world through our children…our friends…our stories…even some of the things we leave behind. The proof of that to me comes from our children. We see not just physical similarities but spiritual ones as well. We “see” ourselves in them…and delight in the things they bring to the world that have nothing to do with us. They will forever know us…just as we know our own parents…and carry them with us even though we are not physically in their presence.

That’s where things cross over for me. The transition from the physical to the spiritual. There is no doubt in my mind that our spirit…our essence I guess…is the part of us that is the most real…and the part that continues after we leave the physical world.

Do I think we continue to stay connected with the people we love? Yes…I do. I have a hard time explaining why I feel that way…I guess it’s faith. But it’s not a projectionist kind of faith…things I was taught in church…that seems more like begging hope than faith. For me it is just a knowing…which makes me lucky I suppose.

It goes back to the beginning…that I believe in god. He/she/it is all around us…and inside us. We are it…and it is us. I read somewhere that we can compare ourselves to the rays of the sun…we come from the sun…but are a part of it at the same time. (It might have come from Einstein now that I think about it.) Again…for me that is a concept that is hard to fully get my head around…so I’ve stopped trying…and I go with my gut. Our guts…that’s god.

Mankind has been struggling with this forever, haven’t they? I’m just a guy who has made big, human mistakes…and I’m coming to see that they come from minds trying to maintain some order in an imperfect world. But the world is only imperfect in our(human) eyes…because it doesn’t have a preconceived beginning, middle and end. Probably because there really is no end. For every ending there is a new beginning.

We ARE eternal, Laura. (And yes…we will see the ones we love in the hereafter. Know why? Because after we meet someone…like our children and friends…it seems as if they were always there. I think they always were…and always will be. Now and forever…amen.)


Published in: on May 24, 2009 at 5:28 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Beautiful and real! Have you read the series Conversations with God from Neale Donald Walsch? MINDBLOWING! There are no books more inspirational, comforting, faith-grounding and free-spirited. It’s almost as though the books dissapear when you read them…I know, it sounds way off, but it would be impossible not to believe in a greater soul after reading them.

    Anyway, your text reminded me. And I have great hope for you and your loved ones. Nothing can separate you!

    Love n’ Light xx

    • I haven’t read the book…but I absolutely will. I’m a bit of a “collector” when it comes to spiritual vantage points.

      Thanks for stopping by!


      • I get excited just knowing you will read them! I definitely think they will bring meaning to your life in ways you can not imagine. Book 1(Individual Truths) 2(Global Truths) and 3(Universal Truths) have accompanied me on buses and trains, beaches and balconies, across countries.

        I love to pass on books to other people but in these books I have underlined sentences and words + made little remarks on the side. What you learn (or remember as he likes to frase) from these books is very personal and it is an ongoing dialogue – with yourself.

        Best of thoughts to you and your wife xx

  2. Wow. Your post here really helped me. I’ve been in this “battle” with my faith for the last few years and have pretty much come to a very similar conclusion as you. God is in us. God is love – the love we give to each other. Its not the scary mean God in the Bible that starts wars and sends people to hell.

    I just found your blog, I am so sorry your wife has cancer. I will read more in hopes to get to know you and your family better.

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